My New Addiction: Social Media Detoxes
Since having somewhat of an "online following", I've felt inclined to be online more and more. Since finding my enjoyment for content creation, I decided to put more energy into it, and therefore time spent there has increased, also.
Although, as we all know, life gets in the way sometimes. Of everything. Life has a funny habit of messing everything up from time to time. You know those moments in time where you feel everything crumbling around you? Like you can barely keep up with every second that passes? Like something has to give, or else you're going to explode?
I feel like that sometimes, and I never know what to give up, to help create some space to get through whatever is going on. Obviously, the essentials must remain: eating, sleeping, perhaps going to work can be considered an essential (got to put food on the table somehow, I guess). I like exercise, so I usually keep that going (it gives me clarity, and makes me feel better most of the time). Dancing and singing are important to me, and often are a comfort or a channel to express my emotions through art. Sometimes I am uninspired to do either, if I am particularly down, so it does depend, but most of the time, it's a great outlet. Friends and family can't be cut out in crucial moments such as these; you need their love and their support.
And the funny thing is, during these times, I'm not usually creating content. I'm either too busy, or too down in the dumps, or too mentally bogged down. All I do online is scroll scroll scroll, keeping myself up at night, comparing my life to other people on the internet. Some strangers, some good friends. "Ah, she has her life together" "Ah, they're overseas. How lucky of them to be able to travel so much" "Ah, she is so beautiful and nice and successful. I bet she doesn't have problems like these"... I suddenly forget social media is not real life.
Social media is a highlight reel: we show our good times, our good photos, our good moments we film and pop up on stories. Why don't we show the bad? Well, people simply wouldn't be as interested, would they? Ah, wouldn't want to burden other people with my problems. Hmm, being sad isn't necessarily aesthetic, is it? Doesn't fit my theme...
Problem is, you are your theme. Your presence is based around... your presence. And you can't be completely present without being honest, without being truthful, without being cool with every single part of yourself. How can you have good times without bad times? What does a good moment in time mean, if you have nothing to compare it to? To make it good?
I scroll through my own feed. I feel like taking down a few photos, I reminisce on the good times as I go through the years. I forget that this is my own highlight reel. "I wish I was back in New Zealand right now" or "I wish I still was that fit" or "Why is life not that good right now". I forget all the bad times between those photos: I forget my actual life. All I remember in that moment is what I've posted over the years. I never captured the tears, the sleepless nights, the frustrated outbursts, the anxiety attacks or the times I wanted to give up.
I forget my whole journey is what is important. Not just the things I post about online. Everything, even the "not so aesthetic" moments, are important. They all add up. And what is great is so much growth goes on beyond the camera, beyond the Instagram account. The kind of growth that is just for me to enjoy. The kind of change that is private, and only I know about.
A few months ago, I was going through something particularly tough. And I looked down at my phone and my screen was full of messages, likes, comments, notifications of all sorts. I couldn't stand to look at it: the pressure to answer them all seemed so strong, I felt like I was suffocating. And so, I did the what was once unthinkable: I deleted all the apps off my phone.
This was the first time I went offline for a few years. Completely offline. No Instagram. no Snapchat, no Tumblr. I kept Facebook, so friends who didn't have my number just yet could keep in contact. It was still so freeing. I cannot even explain it, but I will try.
When, for four years, you have had this constant every day practice of waking up, and immediately touching your phone. Emails, messages, notifications everywhere. That's the first thing you see. Most people don't even see another human, or the sky, or feel the breeze on their face before they see text on a screen. Before their work day has already begun. Their day has already been determined, perhaps, by how many likes their post from the day before has reached. By an email from a boss. By a text from a friend, or a lack of a text from a friend even.
It really got to me, and it got to me all at once. It caught up with me very quickly. I was at home with my family for a month, seeing friends I never see, and I always had my phone at arms length. A constant distraction, and I felt this immense pressure to, whilst even being on holidays, to answer something at any given moment, at any hour of the day. Even not on holidays, this shouldn't be the case. Technology should aid your life, supplement your life, not BE your life.
So, I went offline. Not for long enough, if you ask me, but I did it. It was the best decision I've ever made. In those days, I got so much done. I really saw the world. When I went for a walk, I not once looked at my phone, and I got to see so much more. I was so much more present in conversations and days with friends: not once thinking about whether I had an email to answer, or a photo to post. I went to bed every night reading a book, not reading captions on Instagram. I lived every day being completely present, or as present as you can be.
It felt so amazing. When I returned, I returned with a new found sense of how I should live in this technological world. Because, I'll be honest: I love being online, I do. I love creating content, I love connecting with likeminded souls, I like photography and promoting good things and hopefully inspiring people in positive ways. I've met so many of my friends through the online world, and I don't regret a single second of that, because they are amazing people. I've had some fantastic opportunities. But, when you use your online presence as a crutch, a third leg to stand on, your other legs become weaker. Your real legs.
Social media isn't necessarily social at all. Sitting at home alone behind a screen is what I imagine the opposite of social to be. Or worse, sitting in a room, or at a table, surrounded by people, but being on your phone. That's anti-social. And, what is worse, is sometimes and some people believe our worth is dependant on a number. Number of likes, number of followers, number of views. Not about how fulfilled we are in our job, our relationships, in our dreams and goals, how our day was. No, it's all numbers. Numbers that change, drop, rise, plummet. Nothing stable, and nothing that actually means anything. Numbers don't make you a good person, a loving friend or partner, a good parent, a hard worker...
Post my first detox, I've done a few more since then. Every couple of weeks, I'll delete and go again for a few days, just to give me some time to re-calibrate. Experience the world, so when I return, I have something to share. Something to contribute, and something to add depth to my life, too. Just for me. Recently, I took it a step further and I turned off all notifications. No longer does my phone screen flash when someone comments, likes or sends me a message, unless it's a text. When I reach for my phone to do something, I do the activity and I put my phone down. I only occasionally check my social media accounts, and I do it with purpose. Not with blind scrolling, not because I'm bored, not because a notification was on my screen and now 30 minutes later I'm still here, deep in the void of the explore page.
I guess you could say I'm taking a long break from being overly active. I post a couple of times a week if you're lucky. I maybe put up a story a day, if you're lucky. Some days I do absolutely nothing. Some days I don't even go on. And I think I've found my happy medium.
Completely detox if you need to. I will continue to from time to time. But, if you can detox a little every day, without having to completely deprive yourself, and you can create a happy little place for social media every day, I think you'll be better of for it. Balance is key: a way I can be present online for a short period of time regularly, and then go back off the radar somewhat.
Technology isn't going anywhere. Social media isn't going anywhere. And I do have that enjoyment for it, even when I'm fed up with it. But, too much of a good thing is a bad thing often. Even when everyone is doing it. I see whole families at the dinner table on their phones. Not communicating with the people in front of them. Missing chances to spend quality time with people they love. Why did they even meet in the first place? Why not talk to people in the flesh, instead of tomorrow on the phone? I pull my friends and family up on it all the time. For their sake, and also my own. If you go home from hanging out with someone that spent the whole time not looking at you, not engaging with you, it says "there is someone more important not here that I wish to speak with. That person isn't you". It can be hurtful, even without you knowing it. And even if that's not what you think.
Find your balance. Find your sweet spot online. What's enough, what's not enough. Unfollow the people that make you compare you to them and make you feel uneasy, or unworthy. Follow people who lift you up, make you better, create things you are proud to look at. Don't make you feel useless, or unhappy.
We don't grow behind a phone, or behind a phone screen. We grow out here, in the real world. Your phone simply captures small moments of your life, the ones you choose to share. Don't forget to live those real moments, because they don't stop for anyone. And trust me, you're missing out on some really incredible stuff out there. Some amazing content; not for your Instagram feed, but for your life.
